Manners, Kindness, and the Ugly American

 My best friend is currently on a tour in Asia.  And she is there with a group of other Americans .

She and I met and were roommates in this particular place and so, she is very familiar with all the things Americans complain about, as am i.  This one lady in her group, We'll call her Karen, Was complaining about everything, food, toilets, lack of toilet paper, etc.  It took me a full year after returning from overseas to not carry a packet of tissue around with me because I was so used to having to provide my own.

ANYWAY...

it got me thinking, as did an exchange with my morning client after I called her "Ma'am".  We, as a society, are, not quite completely unused to etiquette and respectful speech. Giving or receiving.

There is an influencer whose content is filled with disrespectful, almost vicious interactions with service people that this person perpetrates.  As someone who has spent a good many years in customer service, I want to do unkind things to them, The service worker "misgenders" them, and they go off. It would be funny if it weren't so calculated.

Now, I have a general rule about addressing people as the gender they present themselves as, largely because as a fairly androgynous woman, I have spent my life being misgendered.  My reaction is to laugh.  It is usually an honest mistake and no real harm done.  I have no need to berate someone for a mistake, my skin is not that thin,  

But now, We are expected to anticipate the sensitivities of others in a way that leaves us jumping at our shadows. I find it ridiculous and contemptable.

When did Americans become so ugly? It must have happened when I was overseas. But since my return to the US, I find our way of treating each other disturbing.  Miss, Sir, or Ma'am used to be nearly required forms of address for people whose names you didn't know.  It was considered baseline respect.  I miss that.  Saying please, thank you, excuse me, I beg your pardon, and so on, were common and and considered polite.  One never returned ugliness for at least attempted respect.  

Not to blow my own horn, but, I do make it a point to be kind to service workers, call them by name if they are wearing a name tag, thank them for the service they provide. They work hard for no respect and less money.  Even telemarketers, the absolute bane of my existence, receive respect and civility from me.  I try to be that person who makes a bad day better.  I'm not as good at is as I'd like to be, especially if I'm tired or hungry, but I try.

Kind, gentle correction, when misgendered, is enough, no need to make someone cry or want to spit in your food.  Basic courtesy, goes a long way. Kindness costs nothing and is very valuable to the person receiving it. Manners, as my mother taught them to me, help me to get good service and smooth over rough situations. 

I have never seen my father receive poor service.  EVER.  He kind, friendly, and tips well when appropriate.

Every culture has something along the lines of Karma: you get what you give, what goes around comes around, you reap what you sow.

land my last nugget: If you want respect, be respectable; if you want kindness, be kind, if you want generosity, be generous.

Peace Dudes