Robin WIlliams and I had something in common (From August 2014)

 f you are in Antarctica and have no wifi, you may not have heard the desperately depressing news.  Robin Williams has died, possibly by his own hand.  There are a few people in the world of entertainment that made me cry at their passing, Mr Williams is one.  To give you an idea of the company he is keeping in eternity: Mel Blanc, Fred Rogers, and Jim Henson are in that particular  group.

Another was David Wallace.  The big difference is that I actually knew Dave.  David, Robin and I have depression.  Of the three, I am least famous and least dead.

I don't talk about it much.  but this is a sobering reminder of how important it is for those of us who deal with Depression to take care of ourselves.  ( I refuse to suffer from depression anymore. I'll deal with it, with ill-will,  malice, and whatever weapons are to hand to banish it from my life)

Depression sucks.  It is more than just your average, run-of-the-mill suckage we are dealing with.  When I say it sucks, I mean it.  It sucks any and all joy from you, It sucks your energy. It sucks your ability to have normal relationships. It sucks your ability to cope with life. It sucks your ability to feel anything. It sucks your mental and emotional strength.  In the depths of depression, there is emotional numbness and physical pain.

If I seem angry, it is because I am.  Depression is insidious and isolating.  It whispers into the mind and heart of the victim that not only don't people understand, they really don't care.  It tells you not to bother your loved ones because they are "busy with their own lives".

I am angry because Suicide and Depression have claimed my friends, my family members, and the people who brought joy into my life and the lives of millions.

Depression is a disease that people who don't have it, don't understand.  The idea that I can just "snap out of it" is not merely offensive, but ludicrous.  There is a level of helplessness and hopelessness in the last stages where it seems that the only way to end the pain is to end your life.  Don't you DARE call suicide selfish.  It is the last desperate act of a desperate person.  As if the victim is the coyote caught in the trap and the only way out is to chew off his own foot.

So many of the people I know with depression hang on, doggedly , desperately to life; searching and scraping what little joy they can from what are days of grey drab misery.  They hang on because they have people they love, who they don't want to leave. People who they don't want to hurt by taking that last, desperate step.  The people they love provide the impetus to get help, go into therapy, take meds whose side effects are not fun, to get out of bed.

THIS WAS WRITTEN SHORTLY AFTER THE PASSING OF THE LEGEND, ROBIN WILLIAMS.  I WAS LIVING IN CHINA AT THE TIME

I've been dealing with my depression for ten years,  I have used meds and therapy and even an online support group.  I am in a good place right now.  My days are normal days, filled with joy and frustration.  I have good friends, hobbies, pets and a job that I really enjoy.  I monitor my mood and emotion so that I can stay in this joyful place.

Mr Williams made me laugh, he inspired me (O Captain, My Captain!).  He helped me find healing laughter and healing tears.  My thoughts and prayers are with his family and with all the lives he touched.  I don't know what brought him to the place where he felt he needed to die, but my heart breaks for him, and for those who loved him.

Please, if you suffer from depression, or have suicidal thoughts, get help.  If you love someone with depression, remind them that they are loved, and valued, and important, and not a bother.  Help them get help.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What in the World?

 Seems like every time I sign into social media or the news, that is the question that comes to mind. Are things really getting worse in the world, or am I just more aware?  Tough questions to ask.  It may be that with the ability to access all forms of information, and with that ability sitting in our pockets, we are simply being inundated with that information in real time in a way that we never have been before. Or, maybe things really are getting worse.  I believe in the 90:10 rule.  90 % of the problems in the world are caused by 10% of the people.   On a small scale, it's those two or three kids in the elementary school classroom that seem to cause all the trouble. You start increasing those numbers to school, city, and nation. and the numbers of problem causers increases proportionately. So, the population of the US is (very) approximately 300,000,000. knock one of the zeroes off and you have a trouble causing population of roughly 30,000,000....
Read more

I woke this morning...

 with my calico breathing in my face.  Now, cat breath is not my favorite way to wake up, but, it isn't the worst.  As I am pushing sixty and have abused my body in my youth, Getting out of bed can be an unpleasant adventure.  Body parts ache, and complain as I swing my feet to the floor.  The cats aren't happy about it either, they were enjoying a cozy cuddle. A groan escapes my lips as I repeat my usual morning refrain: "I don't want to go to work." I'm sure no one who reads this has ever felt that way.  My day job, is that of a caregiver.  It is not an easy job and it pays only enough to allow me to live.  Don't get me wrong, I have deep affection for those I take care of.  The job is one of bursts of energy and fairly strenuous work punctuated by stretches of extreme tedium.  The temptation is to play on my phone for all those hours, It isn't something I am particularly proud of.  But to be honest, fiddling around on social medi...
Read more

Truth and Consequences

 Have you ever met someone who thought it wasn't fair when they had to deal with the aftermath of THEIR OWN actions? I have, and to be honest, I don't like to hear them to complain.  Not that I haven't complained about the consequences of my own actions, but because they are sincerely upset that dumb things happen when they do dumb things.  I usually try to find the humor in my consequences, Kind of like "well, Play stupid games, win stupid prizes" or "fool around and find out".  This was the reality of my life when growing up. Right now, as a society, we want consequence-less freedom.  Freedom itself has consequences and if you are not willing to deal with them, maybe you shouldn't engage in the actions that cause them.  In other words: If you don't want stupid prizes, don't play stupid games. The truth is, one way or another, we all pay for what we do.  Worse, the sins of the fathers are often visited on the sons.  Our children often pay fo...
Read more