Life is what you make it

 Good Grief *sigh* Have you ever lost a tooth or had one pulled? There is pain for a while, and as the wound seals up there is nothing. Just a hole where something used to be. After a while, we don’t notice that there is nothing where they used to be something. Until we do notice it. And there, where something used to be is a hole that feels funny, weird, wrong. And we miss the thing that used to be there. Grief is like that. Someone has been forcibly removed from our presence and it HURTS. But the empty place is still empty. Even after the pain is gone. Until we notice the empty hole where we poured our love is just not there. Grief is noticing that something’s missing.  Someone is missing.  In the beginning we feel the pain of the forced separation and it makes us weep. There is no shame in grieving. There is no shame in acknowledging that something is missing. Weep until your eyes are dry. Feel the ache until it dissipates Rage at the unfairness of love lost too soon. ...

 f you are in Antarctica and have no wifi, you may not have heard the desperately depressing news.  Robin Williams has died, possibly by his own hand.  There are a few people in the world of entertainment that made me cry at their passing, Mr Williams is one.  To give you an idea of the company he is keeping in eternity: Mel Blanc, Fred Rogers, and Jim Henson are in that particular  group. Another was David Wallace.  The big difference is that I actually knew Dave.  David, Robin and I have depression.  Of the three, I am least famous and least dead. I don't talk about it much.  but this is a sobering reminder of how important it is for those of us who deal with Depression to take care of ourselves.  ( I refuse to suffer from depression anymore. I'll deal with it, with ill-will,  malice, and whatever weapons are to hand to banish it from my life) Depression sucks.  It is more than just your average, run-of-the-mill suckage we...

 I am transferring some of my old blog posts to this platform because I think they have something to say for today.There will be introductions to each one citing time and place and circumstances, where context is needed.  Hope you enjoy.

  THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY IN MY ORIGINAL BLOG AND IS FROM 2017 WHILE I WAS LIVING IN CHINA Once upon a time, I met a retired chemistry prof.  Call Him Dr.S.  He was in his mid to late sixties at the time, with mischievous blue eyes behind wire-rimmed glasses and a smile that was impossible not to return.  He was a regular customer of mine at not one, but two of the food service establishments I worked at in my late 20's and early 30's.  Dr. S had an unmistakable Eastern European accent.  He drank decaf coffee and loved cinnamon rolls.  He also loved Asian food, the symphony, and flirting with women.  He was one of my mother's customers at the Credit Union where she worked.  For some reason I have never figured out, he took a shine to me.  And I loved him right back.  Like an extra grandfather, or uncle, the ornery one that liked to cause problems and get his wife to roll her eyes at him. One day, I was sitting i...

...as opposed to who you like to think you are, Keep an eye on where your feet take you. --Frederich Beuchner When I first heard this quote, some 45 years ago, I thought it was the coolest thing I had ever heard.  I was on a weird jag of collecting quotes, hoping to sound smarter than I was.  As time went on, I found that this really was true. In my wild days, I went to wild places. Now, in a more spiritual journey, I find myself more involved in church activities. and loving it. But, if we take this quote and expand it to other aspect of our lives, we really do find out that we are not always who we like to think we are. What I am about to say is not meant to condemn, but to provoke thought.  If your conscience is pricked it is NOT my fault.  I am not passing judgment on anyone else's mora code.  Just my own. The first step in this analysis of our actions is the question: Who do I want to be?  Do I want to be a party girl? a nun? Do I want to be respected?...

 I'm in kitchen at my client's house.  My Day Job is caring for folks that need some help staying in their home rather than going into a managed care facility.  It is honorable work, and desperately undervalued and underpaid. So, my client is in his well lit bedroom, happily watching Harry Potter, Another member of the household is in their well lit hobby room enjoying a break from taking care of my client.  The third member of the household is, by my observation in a state of grief and depression, I am not a psychiatrist, or psychologist.  I am someone who has had depression and still has to manager her mental well being.  I know the signs: naps on and off all day, watches TV or plays on their tablet when not sleeping, lights off, eats poorly.   I feel for this person, but, at the same time, this environment is deleterious to my mood.  As they wallow in their own miasma, they drag me down with them.  It becomes harder each day to walk i...